I've been listening to some more Henry Rollins, who, as some of you may know, is my personal hero. What he says and how he sees things is just, for lack of a better word: amazing. He's just no bullshit, straight forward, and is pretty self aware of his position in the world and what a person is capabale of. Not just any person, but EVERY person. His basic philosophy basically is that if you want to do something, go out and do it. The only person holding you back is usually yourself. The fear of the unknown can stop someone. The uncertantity of a new situation. And I couldn't agree with him more. Just the other day I wished I had moved from Stockholm a lot earlier. Not so much to maybe another country. But to another part of Sweden. Like moving up north, to where the cool Swedes are hanging out (yes, I am more biased to the Norrlänningar). Because as I've said before and as I will continue to say, the people up north have their shit together.
But let's get back on topic.
My brother had send me a link, or better, a copy-paste of someone else's blog which really got to me, for the better, and I'm really grateful for him sending it to me. Here's the original post: Blog Maverick: Success & Motivation.
Right now, I'm without a doubt, in a bit of rut. Nothing too deep, but not the greatest place in the world. Now, don't think that I have been lying to you in my previous posts about everything being honky doory. It still is. However, it isn't the way I...planned it to be. No. Envisioned it. That's what I wanted to say.
What did I envision: get a well paying job (compared to NZ), play paintball every weekend with a Pro team, and be able to save up money at the same time. What's the reality: I have two part time jobs which help me get by (borderline survive and live), the definition of Pro here is not what I expected (it's a low end Division 1 team by European standards), and I don't save up a lot of money here.
Now then, I can definitely take some blame for not getting the job, but my weak excuse is that I thought with my expierence, that I would be able to get a job which I'm qualified for. So, I only looked for jobs which I'm qualified and not for jobs I didn't want to do (pizza maker, cleaner, McDonalds, etc). And, as I probably said before, my stupid visa status isn't the correct one (from an employers point of view). Anyway, to the point, I now take every small money making scheme that comes my way. From stripping off wall paper for a boss (which I did) to resizing photos for my room mate. No matter how tired I am. I keep going for it.
However, today was another story. Since, I do the same thing at both pizzerias, it's a bit monotonous, to say the least. And so, when the it was 19.30, I was contemplating asking the boss if I could go at 20 instead of 21. I started to argue with myself to just hang in there for another hour, at least half an hour. Time is now 20.15. The argueing continues:
Side A: Come on, do it for the money, you'll be able to have more fun in Sweden!
Side B: But I've been doing this all day now!
A: Pussy boy!
B: And?
A: Do you want to stop wingeing about money or not?! It's only a half hour more.
B: But I worked that extra day on Thursday, that covers the hour I'll miss now.
Side B won. And now in retrospect, I regret taking that half hour off. I'm now 7 AUD short for next week. Damn. What did I learn? Suck it up, and keep on going.
My goal is to have enough money to support myself in Sweden while I'm over there, at least to have about 10k SEK. Sounds like a lot, but I know I can do. I KNOW I can. Because I've done it before on such a shitty wage (NZ). It just comes to prioritizing and focusing on the finishing line.
Also, want to try to play one small tournament before I leave. But that's going to be in about three weeks, and should set me back about 300 AUD. But we'll see how much I've saved up by that time. I have a funny feeling that I won't have enough money to both meet my Sweden goal and play the tournament. Priorities. Always in the way. This tournament would be again over in Moama, and only 3 man, which is seperate from XF, so it would be a lot more fun.
On the brighter side, I no longer have any debts. Well, the ones here in Australia at least. The other one isn't worth mentioning. So just that has taken a big chip off my shoulder.
Oh well. That's it boys and girls.
Mental diahria: This Mik Rougnar character that has posted some comments to some of my posts, I know I've heard that name before. I swear it's an alias for some on in my family. It's either for my uncle or cousin. I just can't remember.
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